oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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