He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
