just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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