So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His nipple licking is glorious
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