He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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