Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
