I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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