So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
