Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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