He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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