Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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