Sry I called you an 8
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
