The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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