either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We have started to decorate penises.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
