Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
