Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
