I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
