girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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