evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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