it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
