**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
