I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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