I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
