you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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