ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
