then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
