he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
