I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
