i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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