bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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