tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
