I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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