woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
