so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
