How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
