She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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