Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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