he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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