he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
