Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
