I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
