i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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