My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
