I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
