I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
