Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
