Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
