Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
