Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
