i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She announced her abortion via fbk
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
