I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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