She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
