Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
