Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
