I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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