i just had sex bonerless
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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