One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
