OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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